How Chet Manly Created the Best Face Wash For Men
My formulation for the finest face wash for men was assembled after a donnybrook of the ages! Even it times of leisure, when all I asked of the day was a cold drink of hard liquor, danger sought my attention. I was minding my own business in a pubbery in Ireland, after a particularly grueling trek across Europe. Fortune had treated me both terribly and wonderfully that year, and sometimes, all a man asks is an evening alone, without the want of company, not even of the feminine sort.
As I was contemplating the next leg in my journey, a drunken buffoon stumbled into me. My drink had been spilled in the clash. Rather than he offer amends, the barbarian blamed me for his clumsiness. Chet Manly is a forgiving sort, knowing that men are flawed and not without error. So I chalked up his faux pas to confusion due to alcoholic consumption.
But his belligerence continued, even going so far as to raise his voice. Such pompous behavior riled me, and if truth be told, I too had imbibed and was not in the most discerning mood.
“Good Sir”, I addressed him, though neither word was an apt description.
“I disagree with your accusation. In fact, the notion that you would jostle a man’s drink and offer not an apology is poor manners enough, but to go so far as to blame another for said offense, is, dare I say, preposterous!”
His retort lacked the polite vocabulary I preferred in conversation. But I, Chet Manly, while adhering to decorum, is hardly a wilting flower when confronted with vulgarity. Having sailed the seven seas, my ears have been privy to the swearing of many a crude sailor.
“Continue down this path and it just may end in fisticuffs!” I had warned him. When his response was derisive laughter, the options had ceased! I raised my fists in the Oxford Style of Boxing and invited him to step forth. Being that we were in the manly nation that is Ireland, onlookers hooted in excitement to see my challenge met.
And truly did a brawl ensue! What began as a trade in punches devolved into a scrap wherein we were rolling on the ground like wild boar! Stop there, one would expect, but no! The conflict jettisoned us both into the rear alley, as the bar patrons spilled outside to follow the melee!
For nearly an hour the fight ensued! Just when it appeared either myself or my opponent would topple or quit, each would rally, vigor renewed!
Both myself and this man were too evenly matched! He had lost a front tooth, and we paused to look for it upon the ground, and while down there, in our drunken stupor, we were overcome with laughter! The absurdity of it all washing over us like a wave from the depths of Atlantis! Arm in arm we returned to the pub, to the applause and admiration of other men, an armistice, that allowed us to purchase beverages for one another, our differences forgotten.
Come morning, my eyes were blackened and my face bruised, wounds that I wore proudly knowing they would find healing with the aid of time and tinctures. However, dirt upon my face I could not abide! My immediate need was to wash away the dust of the barroom floor and alley grime! Opening my trusty box of scientifically discovered formulas and naturally grown herbal treatments, I concocted a lather that froths to this very day and is probably the best face wash for men!